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And curse Sir Walter Raleigh, he was such a stupid GIT! - The Ramblings of a Layabout-in-Lace [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
LL.

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And curse Sir Walter Raleigh, he was such a stupid GIT! [Aug. 15th, 2006|11:20 pm]
LL.
[mood |gloomygloomy]

 

I am so tired. Actually, to say I am tired is one of the biggest understatements I have ever made. Total, absolute exhaustion comes closer but still miles off. Its a tiredness that you can really only feel if you are unwell. I dont mean this to sound patronising but, unless youve had a chronic illness, you REALLY cant understand what this feels like. I literally hurt with tiredness; everything aches, muscles that I didnt even know I had are screaming at me to go to bed, my eyes are agony and my head feels as if its about to explode. I feel sick, my stomach is cramping and I am being stabbed through the eyes by my sinuses. I feel dragged down into the floor with exhaustion, my brain is moving at a sluggish rate and its just taken me an hour to have a bath because my thought patterns and coordination just do not work properly. I feel almost like Im drunk- everything is swimming in front of me and its like Im having hallucinations. I should probably stop typing this because Im making lots of mistakes which, in my tired, pedantic mind, I HAVE to at least TRY and correct. I know that when I do climb into bed, I will not be able to sleep, I will toss and turn; my body will be exhausted but my brain will not let me switch off. My legs with start to twitch and cramp which will mean that I will be awake into the early hours of the morning.

 

Of course, the sad thing is, that I have done very little today. I went to the shops to get some food, and then read for a bit, wandered in the garden and played with my cat. Thats IT. Its not like I have been working all day or mountain climbing in the Andes or rescuing someone from a lake or anything at all strenuous. I cannot even remember what it feels like to NOT feel like this. I experience this every single minute of every single day and have done for the last 6 years. This is what having M.E. feels like. This is what I go through every day and, today, somebody said to me "ooh, yes, I know all about M.E., thats where you feel tired isnt it? Yes, I know what that feels like; Im tired all the time too." And I have to smile sweetly and resist the urge to pummel them to the ground with my bare fists. After all, that would take a lot of energy that I dont actually have to waste! And then I will wake up tomorrow and it will all start all over again.

Edit: i've realised that this sounds like a self-indulgent, sympathy-seeking post and it's REALLY not meant to be! I just decided to write a cold, analytical blog about how i physically feel so that people might be able to have some sort of understanding of M.E..... I'm actually feeling emotionally quite upbeat! So, yeah, not looking for sympathy, just for people to have a read and comment if they want!!

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Comments:
From: beaned
2006-08-15 10:42 pm (UTC)

Can I say I love you mucho

and have you in my prayers? Please email me with your phone number, I would love to chat with my you, my dime, all the way from LA, I am actually a pretty funny twit. **wink, wink, nudge, nudge** Hugs and then some, your friend who does not think this post is self-indulgent, but a real eye-opening take on something that we should know about and understand. But let me tell you something, we will win our battles 60s gal, we will win them, trust me...... Let me hear from you.
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[User Picture]From: lottie_doyle
2006-08-22 08:20 pm (UTC)

Re: Can I say I love you mucho

ooh yes, i will do that. are you sure you don't mind phoning me from all the way over there?!
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From: beaned
2006-08-24 05:58 am (UTC)

Re: Can I say I love you mucho

Nope. It would be lovely to chat all the way to the U.K. It would make my day in the nicest way!!! **smooches Lou Lou -- woman of the 60's living in a younger body** *snicker*
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From: beaned
2006-08-24 06:05 am (UTC)

Re: Can I say I love you mucho

Oh, sent you and email, let me have you telly number and a chat would be such a "gas, gas, gas" to quote an old Stone song. bwah!
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[User Picture]From: sam1987
2006-08-15 10:48 pm (UTC)
*hugs* It's not self indulgent Lou, or if it is then who cares?! It's your journal, do what you like with it.

People are idiots. Punch them mentally. WTF do they know? WTF do I know? A bit more now, thanks to what you posted, and that means a lot to me. You're doing awesomely.

xx
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[User Picture]From: lottie_doyle
2006-08-22 08:19 pm (UTC)
thanks hunny, that's a very nice thing to say. how are you? over the moon about your results? looking forward to Scotland? make sure you brings lots of winter woolies- you won't know what's hit you after Spain!! hahahah!
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[User Picture]From: probodie
2006-08-15 11:00 pm (UTC)
*frowns* you should be in bed...with your lappy ;-))

Seriously, I guess it is hard to understand exactly what ME means to someone who has it. Even as a nurse, I cannot know what it's like for someone to live with it.

I admire you so much, I really do, so thanks for this post. And yes, I'm a big 'it's my LJ, so I can write what the hell I want' fan. So go on, honey, write it all down.

*mega-hugs*
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[User Picture]From: lottie_doyle
2006-08-22 08:19 pm (UTC)
thanks darling means a lot. how have you been? hope all is dandy with you xxx
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[User Picture]From: lottie_doyle
2006-08-22 08:18 pm (UTC)
Beatles rock!!!
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[User Picture]From: toutetrien
2006-08-16 12:10 am (UTC)
Its not sympathy but I do want to say how sorry I am that you have to go through all that. Youre right, I cant imagine what its like but from the sounds of it, not very fun at all.. in fact, down right sucky.

Still not sympathy but if I can do anything, ever, to help let me know ok?

I hope you feel better (oh, that was such a hollow sentiment but you get what I mean).

xxx
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[User Picture]From: lottie_doyle
2006-08-22 08:18 pm (UTC)
thanks hunny, it means a lot. going to see Dylan soon anyway so that's something to look forward to :D
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[User Picture]From: crimson_37
2006-08-16 10:36 am (UTC)
That's some pretty tough shit to live with, honey. Sending love and hugs to you... I think you're amazing... cos I know I would have said something or swung for some of these people by now.

I was reading a natural healing book i got a while back... and call me what you like and you may have heard it all before... but it has a section in there on it... taking things like vit B complex, Vit C, multi vits etc can help with the fatigue... I can type it out for you if you like. :))

I just thought if it didn't help at least you would know you've had your vits :))

Up to you... you take care and lots of love n hugs. Mwah!!!
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[User Picture]From: lottie_doyle
2006-08-22 08:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks sweetie, i'd love to hear about the vits. i do take multi vits but i don't know if they do any good. just been disgnosed with anaemia as well so taking the dreaded iron tablets too... how are you? i must say i do love your icon.... mmmmm ;0
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[User Picture]From: londonesque
2006-08-16 12:44 pm (UTC)
I hate the ignorance towards the illness. People are so patronising, they really do thik it's like the tired average people get when they've had a long day at work or something.

I haven't been able to study or work since I was 13. I'm always getting stupid comments like, "Why don't you get a part time job at a charity shop or something", or, "You can get one of those courses where you study at home". I feel like screaming, "Wow, I hadn't thought of that, all this time I have just been sitting on my arse for nothing pissing my life away, you're a genius, thank you!"

People should just shut the f**k up.
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From: beaned
2006-08-24 06:01 am (UTC)

totally agree

compassion and prayer and concern are what we are suppose to be about. "All We Need is Love" as some British rock n rollers once said. Yep, love and compassion for what others are going through, we are suppose to be here for each other. At least that I what I believe the original plan is for.
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[User Picture]From: akin16sk
2006-08-28 08:58 pm (UTC)
actually, yes, I do know the feeling, but before you try to kill me..I do know the feeling, but only occassionally when the RL is simply at its worst. i have to say I can't imagine what it would be like to live constantly like that. I am not offerring sympathy though, because you don't need that. Obviously you are strong enough to work through it yourself and I admire that. Wow. There are only two ways for people who have something huge to deal with, accept it and rise above it, no matter how much courage and pain it takes and how impossible it seems to the others, because there is simply no other way. (that doesn't make it easier) or. give up. My friends aren't the giving up type....;) :))
I don't know anything about ME so maybe telling you, I hope you will feel at least a little better, is bullshit, but well...I am sending over a few hugs from me and licks from my piggies (that always works on my pains and bad days, just call me nuts :))
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